Nur Adilah Husna bt Nurrahizan Shah.... dalam kenangan~

After almost 4years hidup as 'sepasang', finally i'm pregnant... 

Alhamdulliah... Bersyukur sangat2 atas kurnian Allah...Antara percaya dengan tidak...

Yalah... tidak pernah2 pregnant... heheheh :D

Sebelum tau I am pregnant... (around lepas raya) memang sangat sangat banyak tidur...

Asal petang, mengatuk.. so layankan jer la.. bukan ada apa nak buat pun kan... :)

Even when nak balik kemaman punnnn sempat stop kat R&R to sleep... but then, still x expect apa2 masa tue.. kang terlebih mengharap, takut kaciwa plak kan kan kan...

Dipendekkan cerita... after 2weeks late period... i go & buy home urine test...

Malas nak g check kat klinik right away... coz last time pun pernah jer period lambat... bila gatal2 g check kat klinik, -ve & esok lusanya terus period... hahaha..
But this time check subuh2... & positive... happy tak terkata... bersyukur sangat sangat sangat...
Nak share tatau nak share ngan sapa... huhuhu... mr husband d laut...
So... i MMS to puan mother... hehehe... sepa lagi kan...
That evning, masa mr husband call baru la kasitau dia... hehehe... sama2 terdiam... sbb tak sangka kan...

After a week plus (rasanyalah...) my husband cuti & kami p bercuti d Cherating...
1st day cuti... p jalan2 d mall sampai malam... penat juga lah...but enjoy jalan & makan... :D
The next morning, p breakfast & lepak2... still rasa penat... but ok jer kot...
Then, nak g mandi pas lepak2... kononnya nak p kuantan lagi after that...

But then, baru melangkah masuk toilet nak g mandi, tiba2... Darah flow nob stop n penuh lantai toilet..
*tergamam... terdiam...terkejut...takut...panik...* semuanya ada...
I call mr husband... Sama2 panik n we decide p hospital right away...

Pas siap2... Siap mr husband kena p mencari pad... Mmg teda la kan  pad at that time... huhuuh...
Then, off we go to hospital... Dalam kereta, masing2 diam...

Masa tu mmg rasa redha ja... Mmg normal to gugur below 12weeks kan...
Berpikir2 juga... Sebab penat berjalan ka? Huhuhu... But ada juga orang cakap banyak2kan berehat kan awal2...
Wallahualam~ Allah Maha Mengetahui...

Alhmadulillah, after scan, baby heart beat looks normal... Then doc ckp normal coz hormon not yet stable below 12weeks n kena mkn ubat till smpi 12weeks pregnant.. She said, after 12weeks, hormon should be stable & wont bleed anymore... melainkan baby tidak sehat, no matter what you do, akan keluar juga... Dalam 12 1st week itulah... Hurmmm.... Ok~

Since doc d kuantan itu sangat rock, dia cakap buat cam besa ja la... no need to worry to much...
I can do my everyday things like before... No matter what i do, bukan punca bleeding... huhuhu... hebat kan?
So, kami cont pusing2 d kuantan before back to kemaman... huhuhuh

But then, after a week plus, mr husband tak senang duduk to let me stay alone in kemaman lepas dia start kerja nanti & he also decide for me to move in with my family coz of the problem... I agree ja la...Since the 2nd klinik we visit pula bgtau, kalau masalah begini, treatment dia is CRIB ( Complete Rest In Bed )... Means i should not do anything la kan...
Kalau stay d kemaman, sure la mo kena masak, cuci baju, jalan2 dll kan...
So... Putrajaya I go~


B4 balik tu, singgah p hospital dulu otw for check up... Alhamdulillah baby is OK then~
So, off we go to putrajaya (with my parents actually... sbb kebetulan my parents goin to dungun to antar adek balik kampus... so, balik sekali je la...)

My bleeding tidak la banyak sudah.. Just spotting until week11+. Alhamdulillah...
Heavy flow only for one day ja... Then ok sudah... 

While in KL at parents place, teda buat apa la... Mkn n tidur ja... Kebetulan mmg petang asyik mengantuk since begining...So, enjoy ja la... Makan & tidur...
Walaupun still ada spotting, I can feel the baby movement sudah...
Montly check up pun looks ok... Alhamdulillah... Just ignore the spotting la... Kalau makin dipikir, susah juga kan... Cubalah tenang2kan hati... Hehehe....

At week16 i got spotting again.. Just few days before mr husband cuti for wedding sister-in-law, so tunggu dia balik la bagitau... Maybe sbb i ate limau that nite? Wallahualam... Huhuhu...
Tapi bleed came out right after i finish makan tu limau... Menggelabah, terus p baring & tidur... huhuh...
The next morning just spotting... So buat2 mcm teda apa2 masalah while tunggu mr husband balik bercuti...
Spotting stop after 5-6days... Alhamdulillah, p scan all ok... Ask doc she said no problem...

My pregnancy goes well since then... Alhamdulillah...

Btw, mana2 doc pun akan cakap no problem... huhuhu... Teda pun yang mo buat extra check up or what...
Or memang begitu keadaanya???

Around week20, keputihan makin banyak... From online info, it may be sign of preterm labour... Especially when kepekatan keputihan tu pekat or cair dari biasa...
I'm having both condition... Awal2 keputihannya macam sangat pekat... Then, cair yang very2... sampai bole mengalir d kaki when i stand...
Bila tanya doc, they said its normal...

(later i paste the post i've read bout it.... )

Even p specialist pun dia ckp normal. I want to show her the article i read pun dia x mau tengok... Huhuhu...
Bole pula dia p tengok meja instead the hp i want to show her... hahahaha...
Me myself pun macam tidak yakin... But cuba2 la tenagkan hati since doc cakap all OK... huhuhu...

Week 22+ mr husband sudah d darat but belum bercuti... He got 1 week course d kemaman... So kononya hati sang isteri mo teman la dia d rumah while dia d darat... Huhuhu...
Kalau dipikir2... I'm not sure have i take the rite decision to travel back then...
Tapi makin dipikir pun takde guna pun kan... Semua yang terjadi, memang susah ketentuanNya~
Apa sekali kita rancang, rancangan Allah juga yang terbaik untuk kita... Insya Allah...
So... Kemaman i go... with my parents :D

So i'm back in kemaman... Balik kemaman on Saturday~
Sunday... parents back to putrajaya... So I'm with mr husband d kemaman :D

3rd day in kemaman, on Monday got a little bleeding... Siang tu I didnt to anything much pun... Cuci stove jer... then berbaring tengok TV.
Lunch pun keluar with cikgu... & cikgu yang fetch me... huhuhu...
So, gelabah again la... Terus p klinik still kena ckp normal n maybe due to travelling from KL... or stress.
Scan semua ok ja... But minta refer to specialist juga la...

On Wednesday, 5th day in kemaman p jumpa specialist yg rock itu n she said this is normal... No need to rest, just do normal things... Mmg sangat rock... Huhu. Bgus lgi klinik suruh banyak baring ja... Hurmmm...
What i read online pun said... When bleeding, just take a rest... Jangan banyak beraktiviti... Kalau boleh, just rest in bed all d way... Huhuhu...

On Thursday, 6th days d kemaman, tiba2 keluar seketul darah... Trus call cikgu minta bawa p klinik LAGI... Smpi doc ckp "kamu ni asal balik kemaman, ada ja masalah... next time just stay in KL... Dont travel around like this anymore"... Baiklah doc... huhuhu...

But scan all ok ja..  Alhamdulillah... Ubat memang teda la... just rest she said... huhhu....
Since then, hati makin tak tenteram... dicampur dengan things that happen around me... me heart tidak lagi tenteram... but doa terus dipanjatkan kepada Illahi... Agar dapat menempuhi segala dugaan dengan tabah...

That nite, after dinner, rasa cm ada yg keluar but ingatkan bleeding lagi... (kebetulan mmg pkai pad sbb bleeding, so tidak la bocor d tgh jalan)... but terasa sangat banyak... but try to calm myself...
Keep telling myself... Selagi tidak disertakan dengan sakit, insya Allah everything will be fine... Insya Allah.

Smpi rumah check, its not blood... Its water... Soak sudah tu pad I'm wearing... I'm sure this is not good things... Tapi konon muka cam relax... Dalam hati????
So, kami terus bergegas p hospital kemaman... Masa tu dah kul 11mlm kot...

Sudahlah my buku merah tertinggal d KL, terpaksa la dgr bebelan doc n nurses... Pekakkan ja lah telinga... What else can i do pun kan...
Sudah masuk p O&G klinik... Doc tengok I'm stable, teda sakit2... Dibiarlah terbaring more than half hour before dia check & scan... Huhuhu... Kalau doc not there, ok la... But she's the in d room... Tapi takperlah... Dah memang camtu kan... Dia pun join nak membebel :P Nasib tak marah... So layankan jer laaaa....

Check up show im stable still as always... Cma air ketuban berkurang & my heart beat la tidak OK... Yelah, tengah menggelabah, cam mana nak kawal heart beat kan?
Air ketuban yg keluar 2 soak overnite pad. B4 p hospital sudah tukar pad... B4 masuk wad kena bagi tukar pad lagi...So they decide i stay warded dlm 2-3days to pantau.

She said, bole ja stay d rumah kalau nak n p check hari2. Dkt ja pun hospital dgn rumah. But mr husband still on course n dia pakai kereta, so i decide to stay d hosp ja la... Menyenangkan kalau ada apa2 lagi kan...

Jumaat pagi2 sudah kena kejut... Kena ambil sampel darah (which tidak tau apa reason & result :P )
Then kena suruh p solat subuh... Bagus kan... Hehehe...
Di hospital... sehari 3kali kena check heart beat mummy, baby & suhu mummy...
Alhamdulillah d whole day was OK...
At visiting hours... mr husband came to visit pas balik dari course...
A friend also came to visit me... thanks CT :D

No more water came out since afternoon till nite... Lega jugaklah rasa... Walaupun still bleeding a bit... But tidak sakit, should be ok la kan... Insya Allah...

But masa kena check at 10pm that nite... tekanan darah tidak normal... huhuhuhuhu... ada rasa berdebar2 that nite atas sebab2 tertentu... tapi tidaklah sangat2 tidak ok...
That nite... 4kali rasanya they check my tekanan darah... tak cukup ngan the normal tools... Dibawa tools yang berwayar2 macam nak men'jumper' kereta... hehehe... Layankan jer la...Tapi yg 3rd & 4th check rasanya dah ok... ( I think la... but the nurses didnt think so kan... so keep on check tekanan darah & suhu )...
Doc pun pesan, kalau sakit terus bagitau nurse... i just smile~

But at 2am terasa susah mo tidur... Baring ja sakit perut... Bila duduk ok ja.. But seriously, I didnt think something bad gonna happen... Sbb what i feel is terasa mcm mo buang air besar... Tp x mo keluar...
I never know thats how it fell kalau mo beranak sudah~ huhuhu...

Told nurse n ask for pelawas kasi buang air... She ask me to tahan n go to sleep n wait till doc visiting time later... Hurmmm... Malas mo panggil doc la kali tue... Huhuhu...

After an hour makin sakit... I never knew kalau sakit & ada contraction, kena minum air & baring to kasi reda (just knew few weeks back from readings on net... plus i dont know sakit contraction tu cam mana... & i dont think i have contraction pun...huhuhuhu).. So dah tak tahan, baru diorang panggil doc pelatih... Yg bengong... Hahaha...Ntah apa nama doc tue... Yang penting he's younger than me :P

He came & check tekanan darah & perut...
I ask again for pelawas... He said cannot, nnt terberanak.. So ok la... Terus kena bawa masuk bilik rawatan...

He took sampel in my vagina... Tp xtau la apa resultnya... He said ok ja.. But after check tu makin sakit... tidak mampu berjalan... Tapi kena suruh p baring juga... So, after kurang rasa sakit, walk to bed... Then terasa mo membuang & i go to toilet again... Huhuhu... Tapi tedalah yang keluar...

I cant baring anymore... So just sit with doc n nurses d kaunter... Berpeluh menahan sakit, dia bawa lagi carta smiley face to ask tahap kesakitan i have dr scale 1-5 n i said 3...

He said 3 is too much n macam mo suruh i said 2 or 1... Bodoh betul...Orang sudah berpeluh2 pun tidak percaya I'm in pain... huhuhu...

Then i p toilet again... Mana tau mo keluar sudah bahan buangan... Sbb sangat sakit mcm mo membuang. They ask for urine sample but teda hasil buangan yg mo keluar... Hurmmmm....

After 3 times balik2 p tandas n termenung d sana... I felt like ada kepala d bawah... Terkejut...Mo menangis pun teda air mata.. Terus bgtau doc that i think macam kepala baby ada d bawah sana...
Dia tidak percaya & ask to go to bilik rawatan again... Ok then... Ikutkan ja la... Huhuhu...
I keep telling ada kepala d bawah... dia still mo masukkan tu alat for taking sampel itu... Macam laaaa I didnt know what am i saying... huhuhuhu... & dia terketuk kepala baby masa cuba nak masukkan alat itu... huhuhu...

Then only dia terkejut, kelam kabut nak call doc... Nurse2 pun kelam kabut sekali... Huhuhu... Doc yang dicall pun tidak menjawab call... So they terus bawa I p labour room.
I didnt think of calling mr husband at that time sebab terlalu sakit kononnya... & memikirkan nasib c baby yang sudah mau keluar...

Sampai labour room... Pindah katil... Kena suruh push...Push 2x, baby selamat keluar... X terasa sakit sbb my baby masih kecil... Just 0.49kg. Alhamdulillah, teda luka apa2 n teda stitch... Cuma sakit d hati ja la..

Masa mo keluarkan uri lebih sakit dr melahirkan anak for me... Then, kena seluk2 oleh doc to keluarkan darah yg membuak2 banyak... Semuanya dilalui sendiri tanpa mr husand by my side.. holding my hand...
Takperlah... Bukan dirancang semuanya ini kan...

Baby was born at 4.01am...

I am aware chances of baby to survive is 50-50 in incubator coz her lungs is not fully terbentuk n function yet...
Tapi yang menyedihkan... D hospital teda incubator at that moment. Xtau la mmg teda or teda yg kosong... They didnt tell it to me pun bout it... I heard it masa diorang cakap between doc n nurses after delivery...

Siap dengar diorang cakap tidak sangka saya akan terberanak. Kalau tahu, they should have transfer me to hospital besar... Sakit hati gila bila dengar... There's no such things as 'kalau tahu' rite?
They should just take all the precaution steps i guess??? Takperlah... menda dah lepas... Semuanya dah tertulis... IF IF IF wont change anything pun~

My baby sempat bernafas dlm 39min. But they didnt bring my baby to me while still bernafas... :(
Ntah apa diorang check2... I hold my baby only after she passed away...

Pas deliver, doc ada cakap... Uri nampak macam lain dari biasa & ask my permission to send the uri to lab... to check... I just said OK jer la... Kalau itu yang terbaik kan...

After all that only nurse ask for mr husband phone no to call him... Around 5++ dah kot.
Mr husband arrived after a while n keep on saying sorry to me... Mr husband tanya, kenapa tak call... Huhuhu... Sorry~ I didnt bring my hp along as well... Semua tinggal jer atas katil d wad...

Then, mr husband bring my baby to me again.. Then only i cry all my heart out... Terasa kehilangan yang amat sangat... Mr husband pun menangis...:(
Baby dah cukup sifat... Alhamdulillah... She's so beautiful :)

Hospital yg uruskan mandi n solat jenazah for baby... Mr husband sempat snap pict baby after dimandikan b4 kapan... Tapi 2snap ja.. Diorang mo cepat2 x tau kenapa...

Then mr husband bawa baby p kl utk dikebumikan dekat kuburan moyangnya... D kemaman tidak kenal org yg mo urus juga...

Mr husband said, he drive all d way while dukung anaknya... Alhamdulillah everything was fine...

Since then i cant stop crying when i'm alone... Nurse2 sana bagus jga la pujuk n give support... But that not that easy to accept juga la...
Nurse tu cerita lagi pengalaman dia... 3kali gugur... then 4th one baru berjaya mengandung till full term... yang penting jangan putus asa katanya... :)
Sister yang came pun cerita pengalaman anaknya which keguguran as well... & now pregnant again...
Thanks all~

My parents & sister otw to kemaman after they knew bout it...

Pas berehat & having breakfast d labour room... Balik ke wad... Huhuhu...
Thanks CT for the socks :P I use it till end of pantang... heheheh
Thanks Alya for the nasi & lauk pantang... :D

That evening, parents & some friends came to visit...Masa orang ada ok la... But when alone, banjir berterusan la... Huhuhu...:(
Bukan tak terima ketentuanNya... but kesedihan tu mestilah ada kan... I'm just a normal human being with hearts and feelings kan... :) Kesedihan pun perasaan yang dkurniakan olehNya kan...

I stay d wad one more nite n discharge d next day...
Doc suh makan antibiotic 'incase' ada infection yang menyebabkan preterm labour... huhuhu... belum tentu pun ada infection pun kena suruh makan... ikutkan jer la~
Uri baby diorang kata akan dipost to me dlm sebulan... It's been nearly 2months... Ntah dimana uri anakku...

Next apoointment will be on 1104 nie... To know result dr sampel taken before and apa apa lagi yang patut...
But I've change the appointment to 13th & I'm travelling back to kemaman on the 11th~

When check up in hospital putrajaya, the nurse tell me that baby 22weeks can survive and malaysia already have the tech... But mmg bukan rezeki my baby... Coz im in kemaman at that time... Not in putrajaya~

This coming 12th April... Genap 2bulan pemergian my little angel...
Nur Adilah Husna ( cahaya keadilan kebaikan ).

Pengalaman berpantang... Alhamdulillah okay...
Cuma awal2 sangat menyakitkan... Berpantang, but without baby around with me...
Alhamdulillah, my body didnt produce milk yet... Kalau tak, will bengkak and all lagi... lagi 'sakit' kan... Hurmm.
Walaupun all d baby stuff i've bought dah disorokkan from me... I knew it's there kan...

I cant say i'm totally okay now... but Insya Allah... I'll be okay~

Mummy sure baby is happier 'there' disisi Allah...

Semoga Allah kurniakan kami adik utk Adilah... Insya Allah.. :)